19 week high risk check-up

**Note:  Today's post will  refer to the baby as a girl for ease of writing.  We still do not know the sex of the baby, nor do we want to.  I will just alternate posts using male and female.**

I wish I could go back to being that naive first-time pregnant mom I was when I was pregnant with Charlotte and causally thought, "Oh it would be so fun to have her early so I could do this, this, and this."  I wish I didn't know what it was like to have a child, even a healthy one, in the NICU.  I wish I didn't know what it felt like to go into labor early, fearing the doctors wouldn't be able to stop it. 

I wish I were one of those pregnant women would could run a marathon the week before they deliver.  I wish I were the kind of pregnant mom who didn't have to worry if she were doing too much.  I wish I didn't have to tell my children "no" so much when they ask me to help them, carry them, or come upstairs for the millionth time. 

I wish. I wish. I wish. 

But wishing will get me nowhere, as will worrying.  And I have to tell you, I have been doing a lot of both things these past few weeks. 

My poor baby.  I fear she is going to come out needing a script for Prozac!  I am just so worried about her.  When my body started having contractions on the beach, I completely broke down.  I am just so scared something bad is going to happen.  We have been so unbelievably blessed so far and some days I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

(My precious little one, I am sorry if my nerves are affecting you.  If you grow up to be a nervous person, 1) know that you come by it very naturally  and 2) that you can 100% blame me for your nervous habit!)

I woke up this morning having a contraction so strong, I could feel the outline of the baby.  This did nothing for my nerves.  I just knew something had to be wrong and was counting down the seconds until my 11:15 appointment.  I finally got called back at 11:45 and had to wait a bit longer for Dr. B to come in. 

The baby was moving around so much for the ultrasound that I couldn't watch the screen for fear she would do a flip and I would catch a glimpse of her bottom!  So I just sat there and told Dr. B to tell me when he had a still frame up. 

The baby is looking great, measuring right on track at 10 ounces.  Her heart rate was around 160 and her heart looks good.  But the best news of all is that my cervix has not changed since the last check-up!  Even better, it didn't budge when he pressed down on my stomach!!  I nearly cried I was so relieved. 

Dr. B isn't too concerned about my contractions.  He says they are very "normal" and to be excepted at this stage in the game.  If they do increase in frequency, he will put me on some medication to help stop them.  Since things are staying right on track, he wants to wait 3 more weeks until he checks me again (rather than in 2 weeks).  When the time comes (probably around week 25) he wants to start doing the fFN (Fetal Fibronectin) test.

I loved seeing the 3D pictures of the baby.  She is adorable and (I think) looks a lot like Wade!  I am so thankful everything is still going well and am going to really work on not worrying.  Thank you for all the prayers that have been sent up for us.  They are very appreciated and help ease my mind.