Moments

My precious little one,

Yesterday and all the emotion it brought, I forgot to write down the moments that helped me get through the day and stay strong.

Your Daddy and his inability to worry.  Life is what it is and you just have to suck it up and deal with it.  According to him, worrying won't help.  And he is right.  Your daddy has this ability to takes my fears away and keep me clam (and sane).  He is the strongest man I know and I am so blessed to call him mine.

Sweet Maggie and her love for me.  She knew something wasn't right and did not leave my side all morning.  Whenever I would look down at her she would look up at me with the saddest eyes and start nervously wagging her tail.  Having her by my side all morning, ready to give me a kiss at a moments notice, was so comforting.  She really is the world's greatest dog.

Charlotte's smile.  Charlotte is learning the letter F in school and her teacher said it would be okay for Frances and I to join Charlotte for lunch.  After all, Frances starts with the letter F!  When we walked into the arc (where lunch is served), Charlotte was in there doing motor development.  Her face lit up brighter than Times Square and oh, that smile, it brought tears to my eyes.  I needed to see that big smile more than I needed oxygen.  She was jumping up and down, beaming and waving to me and Frannie.  It did my heart some good.   Your big sister's smile and laughter can make just about any problem disappear. 

Frances' hugs and kisses.  Frances has the biggest heart and loves to shower you with love.  Yesterday she gave me a million kisses, hugs, and "I lub you all my heart" - similar to most days, but somehow yesterday they meant more to me.  Last night as I was laying down with her at bedtime, she was being so silly.  I told her I was leaving if she wouldn't settle down and when she didn't, I started walking out the room.  "Nooooooo!" she cried.  "Don't weave!"  She broke out the most pitiful cry I have ever heard and it just broke my heart.  I went back to her bed and sat down next to her.  She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, squeezed as hard as she could, then pulled me down onto the bed.  There we laid, just the two of us, her arms tightly wrapped around my neck, my head gently resting on her chest listening to her heart beating and her deep breathing.  I was so thankful for that moment.  For the reminder of what a special gift from God that little beating heart is.  A heart that is beating because your daddy and I love each other so much, we wanted to make babies together.  Babies that bring so much joy and laughter into our lives it is hard to verbalize just how amazing that feeling is. 

My little one, while I pray you never know what it is like to struggle, worry, or have a heavy heart, I know that is an unrealistic prayer.  Those things are just apart of life.  I do pray that you always have these special people in your life to help keep you strong, focused, and on the right path.  They are more than just your family, they are your blood and apart of you.  Remember to always seek their help and guidance during times of troubles. 

My heart is still heavy for you and I know it will probably remain that way until we know for certain that this virus won't affect you.   But I know I have these four special people in my life to keep me strong and give me moments that ease the worry in my heart.

Much love,
Mama